Monthly Archives: March 2019

Eurovision 2019: Estonia

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Estonia.

Country: Estonia
Singer: Victor Crone
Song: Storm
Personal Score: 18 out of 41
My Prediction: Q

Make no mistake. I do not want this song for Estonia. I voted for a different song (two different songs!) and I don’t really want it to qualify either but Estonia is in the easier for the two semi finals and the song is passable and the staging (if it stays) is pretty good so it’s likely it’ll squeeze by in 8th or 9th place just barely passing something I actually like. I know I rated it 18th out of 41st and that’s because I hear an idealized version in my head but as it’s performed…is another story.

In summary of this performance I have to say: O Lord, please grant me the confidence of a mediocre white man who thinks he is hitting notes he is getting nowhere near.

In theory he could figure out how to actually sing this song in the next month but in reality the recorded version of this track and all the live performances I have seen of it have the same vocal tics and issues that made me cringe when I heard it the first time. The song itself is a cute Eurovision bait song and it’s such a travesty that a nation full of great singers is sending a Swedish man who is way out of his depth. He is trying to channel Justs’ “Heartbeat” look but fails at that even. Honestly I expect this song to come 4th place in Melodifestivalen but that kind of music DOES play well at Eurovision so I think it will do well despite…short comings.

Eurovision 2019: Denmark

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Denmark

Country: Denmark
Singer: Leonora
Song: Love is Forever
Personal Score: 32 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

Now here’s something a little different. I assume this is supposed to be a sweet “we are all one and we all love the same” song but the style which mimics both a very simple musical number but also a sort of French diddy feeling ends up in a really muddled space for me. The delivery also leaves me…uncomfortable. The staging effect of her sitting in a giant chair is fine but Leonora stares into the camera like she’s just got someone trapped in her basement and is holding them there against their will. I don’t think this will qualify because it’s a little too simple and too sweet but that’s been Denmark’s specialty since 2014 with mixed results. Certainly singing in four languages (English, German, Danish, and French) will tweak a few heartstrings but otherwise this song feels more like a platitude than anything real. If it qualifies it won’t shock me as peace is a good goal but there’s just something about it that rubs me in all the wrong ways.

I know when people talk about plastic music they’re mostly referring to pop songs that just mimic other pop songs but this is the type of song I think about: a song made for no reason other than to coolly appeal to people who want to think they’re very magnanimous. When it turns out they’re just doing it for the likes (or in this case the douze points) :/

Eurovision 2019: Czech Republic

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Czech Republic.

Country: Czech Republic
Singer: Lake Malawi
Song: Friend of a Friend
Personal Score: 8 out of 41
My Prediction: Q

There is something strangely charming about this song even though it’s also got the Czech Republic’s new MO of “greatest f*ckboi nation of all time” written all over it. Following in Mikolas’ footsteps was always going to be difficult as he’d been the front runner for some of the betting leading up to Eurovision but this song fits in pretty nicely. This rides the line between an upbeat emo song and today’s easy listening indie sound. The earnest delivery of what are simultaneously cheesy and cringey lyrics sells this for me. I actually didn’t care for this song at all until I saw it live at the Ukraine National Final wherein the easy going feel of the band and how excited they were to be on stage kind of ended up selling me. The song is a bit one note but that helps because it’s strong hook and easy to guess lyrics make it a complete ear worm and there’s almost nothing better than saying the “I’m only a friend” part. I can see this easily paired with a cheerful colorful staging (I envision something like Iceland 2014 ‘s “No Prejudice“) than it’ll likely make it to the final based on its easy listening vibes which should be popular with young and old.

Eurovision 2019: Cyprus

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Cyprus.

Country: Cyprus
Singer: Tamta
Song: Replay
Personal Score: 10 out of 41
My Prediction: Q

Those maniacs, they did it again!

Cyprus isn’t even pretending that thing song isn’t just Fuego 2.0 and there’s something commendable in being that open about it. I mean the song is not just a replay of last year but it’s literally called Replay. Beyond that, this is a BOP. I’m pretty interested to see if Tamta can pull this off live as well as Eleni did last year. If it’s even half as good it’ll easily qualify since it’s very contemporary but also fairly interesting as a song – it has the bombastic beat that is so popular right now.

I think the best part of this song is that it has a lot of places that the staging can go. I think this will be a really fun and bright number on stage and it should have a lot of popular vote power but I’m also not sure how receptive the jury will be to this so it could end up mid-board but either way it’s likely smooth sailing to the finals and that’s important for the tiny island nation.

Eurovision 2019: Croatia

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Croatia.

Country: Croatia
Singer: Roko
Song: The Dream
Personal Score: 26 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

There is no doubt that Roko can sing. The problem is not Roko at all. Roko is crushing it. Roko is living his best life. Roko is ascending to heaven right of those $10 party store wings. The problem is literally absolutely everything else in this entry. I think the major offender here is that this is such a dated song, its so dated that it would have CRUSHED Eurovision in 1996. Next up, the outfit isn’t working with the vibe of the song and his haircut honestly says “douche” more than anything and the stage presentation is just plain lazy. Croatia has said they’re changing absolutely nothing about this performance so what you see in the video is what we’re going to get but I’m still holding out hope that someone comes along and decides that it needs so much changing. For such a dramatic song it has such a boring visual that I often clock out about halfway through the song and just stare into space.

This song is very close to Iceland’s song last year (also by a very talented 19 year old singing a song that would have been wildly popular nearly a decade before he was born) and no matter how hard this may be trying for jury bait it’s going to fall short in a contest full of great voice. We know Croatia can put on a good show though, so hopefully someone wakes up and restyles this but otherwise , it’s probably a non-qualification for Croatia.

Eurovision 2019: Belgium

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Belgium.

Country: Belgium
Singer: Eliot
Song: Wake Up
Personal Score: 33 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

This song is actually kind of interesting musically because it reminds me of a handful of mid-1980’s song and his voice is distinctly reminiscent of Sting in the opening section but honestly once it switches to the “chorus” its just kind of a boring song. The problem is that the plodding beat in the background never really resolves into anything. This is a song that you might listen to on the radio because it’s too much effort to change but even though you’ve heard it 20 times you don’t any of the words or the name of the artist. I’m also a little puzzled by the music video because they choose to keep the focus on other people and then ALSO, to add insult to injury, ended with a close up on someone else.

While I agree music has tended in this direction (on the radio at least) for the last few years the problems is that its completely forgettable. If they showed up in an insurance commercial I wouldn’t even blink. Despite the video seeming to be about…women I guess? The lyrics don’t really key me into any big themes either. I get a whole lot of nothing out of this song and since it’s not vocally challenging and has basically no hook, I think this is a hard sell at Eurovision especially if it ends up next to anything with a good beat.

Eurovision 2019: Belarus

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Belarus.

Country: Belarus
Singer: ZENA
Song: Like it
Personal Score: 40 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

This song is a mess. I’m very surprised that the Belarus national final version is the video for this. Zena seems like a very nice girl who just isn’t quite ready for a big stage. While she has some time to get ahold of her vocals, I just don’t see this song ever coming together. Mashing beats, repetitive and squeaky chorus, and a terrible case of mush mouth making all of her lyrics blend together this song is what would happen if you tried to play “Toy” and “Fuego” at the same time and it is UGLY. The national final performance was basically constantly off-time and the performance is kind of difficult to watch but even assuming they get that under control this sounds more like a San Marino entry than something Belarus should be giving us.

I doubt that the staging will change from the national final, and even if it does, I don’t think it’s going to add much to this piece of pop fluff but I wish Zena a lot of luck in her future career.



Eurovision 2019: Azerbaijan

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Azerbaijan.

Country: Azerbaijan
Singer: Chingiz
Song: Truth
Personal Score: 11 out of 41
My Prediction: Q

This is honestly kind of an odd duck of a song. We’ve got some traditional elements and some really contemporary elements mushed together into a vaguely dance beat. This really works for me but I could see how it’s a little too same-y for most people but I think on the other hand this is such an earworm of a song and I kind of hear it all the time after its over? I think will easily pass through as long as the staging is even reminiscent of the video which gives it a rave underwater vibe. Azerbaijan hasn’t ever skimped on the staging so hopefully we’ll see this in the final. At the very least this will get votes because the internets collective thirst for Chingiz is REAL. Shut up about it!

The only downside of this song is that I have no idea what his voice actually sounds like and also this is one of those songs that could really be horrific live because its very based on a certain vibe and cadence to his voice but I have a lot of faith and worse entries from passed through for the fire nation which tends to have a fairly strong voting block.

Eurovision 2019: Austria

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Austria.

Country: Austria
Singer: PÆNDA
Song: Limits
Personal Score: 24 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

I kept waiting and waiting for this song to go off and wow me but it stayed quite flat the entire time and since it’s not just one note but also has a really distinct and strange vocal styling it’s hard to really get hooked. I think this could be the type of song that really opens up for an emotional moment on stage but the recording itself is a bit flat. I’m not actually sure what I would do with a staging for this type of song but I think it’ll end up like Blackbird from 2017: beloved for a few people but mostly ignored by the jury and the audience at home because it offers none of the thrills that we’re looking for in a scant three minutes. No fireworks, no vocal prowess, no hooks, and no drama. I think the worst part is that its so clear that the song is very meaningful for PÆNDA. It’s been beautifully and thoughtfully crafted but I just think its in the wrong arena here but it could be a surprise qualifier as out of the box thinking has previously helped Austria stand out.