Germany really needs to sort itself out. As novel as the things have been the past three years, Germany isn’t wracking up the points and it’s unlikely to do so this year either…

These are my own PERSONAL rankings of what I think of 2017’s Eurovision songs but I’m also going to make some bold predictions about the eventual fate of the song. These will probably be very wrong for a variety of reasons including I have no idea what almost half the artists sound like live or what type of staging and song changes could be made. There’s plenty of songs that have been let down by their staging (2016 Spain for example) so in the end they’re just guesses in the dark.

Country: Germany
Artist: Levina
Song Title: Perfect Life
My Ranking: 24th (out of 43)
Semi Final: Auto qualified for the final as part of the Big 5
Final placement prediction: 25th out of 26th

Germany is part of the Big 5 in Eurovision which in the past years has mostly seemed to mean not trying very hard to even pretend you want to win because you’re already kicking in a lot of money and hosting on top of that would be a bother. At least, most of the time I think this is the case for Germany though they did win in 2010. German had previously only once before that in 1982 despite entering faithfully since the beginning even after splitting in to two countries there for a bit(!). Side note: “So geht das jede Nacht” was robbed, it should have been the first winner in 1956. Germany just never seems to get Eurovision. In a year of upbeat they send downbeat, in a year of ballads, they send R&B. They just seem a little out of tune with everyone else. Also in the past they’ve had trouble with their artists or getting their national final winners to go along with Eurovision. This year though it feels like they at least understood the memo and are doing their best to send something that fits the bill. I still have this song placed low but it’s not for lack of trying and I’ll get to that in a minute.

Levina is a relatively unknown face for Germany which is a problem. She won Unser Song pretty handily (at the end it was both of her songs facing off against each other and she had knocked out 5 people singing 10 songs to do that). Though I don’t quite agree with the decision Levina has a perfectly nice voice and is a fairly good singer with some stage presence though she seems to struggle with singing this (fairly easy) song sometimes. She released her first album and the single for Perfect Life to some modest fanfare and unlike in other years there’s no buzz around her or how poorly Germany will do because of her so that’s always nice.

The problem with this song is not actually anything wrong with the song. The sound is very standard, it sounds like a well produced piece you might hear on the radio while you’re food shopping or while driving. Something you hear and you go “oh I don’t hate this one” and feel relief they’re not playing the song that grates on your nerves again. The song never really goes anywhere, the notes in the song never get high enough and they aren’t held long enough for the contest and the sound isn’t driving enough to be interesting for me and possibly for the general audience. It also sounds like things I’ve been hearing for almost 5 years on radio so I immediately start tuning out.

I have some extra issues with this song and it’s that the lyrics and the tone of the song seem to be at odds with each other. The lyrics are good English and they make sense but every time I think the song is going to bust out in joy it decides it’s a sad song instead. This totally kills any desire I have to listen to the song again because it gives me a really conflicting head space when I hear it. I also think the Levina is either going to have to significantly change the way she sings this song or it will tank. It’s like Germany finally brought a ballad, albeit a pop ballad, to a ballad fight but they brought the most average one they could find. An almost ballad if you will.

Staging for this could be almost anything, the song has no strong allusions, the stage at the national final was basically empty, and the music video is full of bright lights so I hope that someone in Germany has an idea for what they’re going to be doing because sending her out in a tank and jeans with a 2007 version of an edgy haircut is probably going to send Germany in to the last place slot.

That’s not what you call a perfect lied*.

*lied means song in German.